See that! That exciting exclamation mark! It is very appropriate. I am exploring, and it is rightfully exclaimed.
My only blog post this far has been me whining about the trappings of my hometown. But I want to be more than that. I am exploring myself and my tiny little world. I am exploring my mind and trying to make it not so tiny. I want to dig and find everything that is wonderful and beautiful. This disposition has risen from 2 reasons, 2 recent realizations: the mandate of the present and the meaninglessness/fleetingness of life.
It was recently related to me that the past and future don’t exist. It sounds an odd and easily refutable claim. However, when truly examined, the present really is all we have. The past and future are just imagined—they live only in our minds. All we really know to be real is what we feel and see and think in this moment, right now. This inhale, this exhale. The sound of our heart faintly heard in the quiet. The present is our only reality, everything else a figment of our imagination.
If that’s not existentialist enough, I have also recently been subjected to the all-encompassing thought of death, of the brevity of life, and its ultimate meaninglessness. A stimulant of these thoughts was the recent death of a professor I had just last semester. She was only seventy-two. In the middle of a successful career, holding many respectable local positions, in good health, she simply died. This made me angry. That is not how it’s supposed to work; you’re born, you go to school, you have a career, you retire, and you only then do you die, warm in your bed, satisfied and happy and surrounded by your whole family. That is the paradigm. You’re not supposed to die at the peak of your career. But death does not care. It simply took her.
I will appreciate my present because I have to. I have to love where I am and who I am. That is all I have; that is all any of us have. So here’s to exploring the now.